I provide in-person therapy in Bellevue and tele-health throughout Washington State specializing in anxiety treatment, couples therapy, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Couples Therapy.
Repair and strengthen emotional connection when distancing or conflict take hold.
Anxiety Therapy.
Learn to relate differently to worry, stress, panic, and overthinking so you are in charge of your life again and so that anxiety no longer runs and ruins your life.
ACT Approach.
Learn and build evidence based psychological flexibility skills to be more present in the moment and to take committed action toward the life you want.
Meet Joe Butler
Hi, I'm Joe Butler a licensed mental health counselor in Bellevue, WA.
I have over 25 years of experience helping individuals and couples navigate anxiety, relationship struggles, and life transitions. I’m trained in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples, the Gottman Method, relationally oriented psychodynamic psychotherapy, and existential therapy.
Reaching out for help isn't easy. We're afraid people will judge us if they find out how messed up we really are. We judge ourselves for not being strong enough to fix our own problems in the first place.
So we start pretending. We pretend to be happier than we are, more successful than we are, stronger than we are. We get pretty good at it too. So good in fact that the pretending parts begin to take over and the real parts start to fade away. That's where the trouble begins and where I can help.
You don't have to become someone you're not in order to be happy. In fact, it's the other way around. Living fully only comes from bringing all of who you are to the life you currently have.
For more than two decades I have been helping people learn more about who they are (with their heads) so they can risk more of who they are (with their hearts). When you know how your head works and how your heart works, you can make you life work! Find out more about me and how I can help.
A Little About Therapy
FUNNY BUSINESS
People often wonder what therapy is actually like.
If I'm being honest, therapy is a funny business. Why in the world would anyone sit down with a complete stranger and tell them their life story? Why would someone share things with a therapist they wouldn't share with their closest friends or family?
Still, people do it. I've done it. And believe it or not -- it works.
After 25 years in the helping profession, I continue to be amazed by two things:
the courage people show as they take giant risks to reveal who they are, and
the capacity of the human heart to recover from the deepest hurts and make sense of the most profound pain
Whether you realize it or not you'll bring something essential with you to your very first therapy appointment -- the human instinct we all have that pushes us to grow. We have this in spite of our fear. Some part of us wants a richer and more meaningful life, even while we are afraid of what it can take to get us there.
FIRST SESSIONS
I see this tension play out often at the start of my work with people. First sessions in therapy often unfold like this:
Siting down carefully on the couch, you survey the new surroundings and look up cautiously.
Unsure about where to look exactly, you move your eyes from mine to the floor and back again as you think about where to start. You rehearsed this a few times at home but it feels different now -- a lot harder.
Before any words come out, you're overcome with emotion.
It's been a long time since you could just be yourself.
You've been holding it together forever; holding it together for your friends, for your co-workers, for your family, for your partner.
Pretending has been exhausting.
You feel relief as the powerful emotions you always knew were there begin to leak out, unexpectedly. This feels surprisingly good -- but it also feels scary and unfamiliar.
The bigger part of you wants to be reached. Even though you've become an expert at hiding, there's a hope inside you that 'being found' just might be worth the risk.
Anytime we try something new it can feel scary and unfamiliar. Growth and fear always go together.
We stop growing, though, the moment we let our fear trick us into believing that this smaller, carefully hidden version of ourself is all there is.
BECOME MORE OF WHO YOU ARE, NOT LESS.
My greatest wish for you in therapy is that you become more of who you are, not less.
I believe that much of the pain you feel -- your anxiety, depression, loneliness, or anger is a signal that you aren't living the kind of life you want to be living.
Our attempts to manage that pain lead to avoidance strategies like hiding and pretending. The hiding and pretending keep us further away from a fuller life. This leads to more pain and then more avoidance strategies.
We get stuck in a cycle that limits us and makes us unhappy.
What if turning toward the pain was a way to get out of this cycle? What if a more authentic you was behind the hurt?
We do this in therapy by:
noticing what we are experiencing instead of avoiding it
turning toward and understanding the undesirable parts of ourself we used to run away from
tending to these parts with acceptance and compassion
learning more about what we value, desire, and wish for
taking the action needed to move us toward what we really want in life
With understanding, courage, and a hopeful invitation we can be who we are and step out into the light of day. You might find that therapy does more than ‘ease pain.’ It gives pain meaning. and with that, it points you in the direction of a life with more possibilities than when you started.
My Approach
For individual therapy I integrate my background and training in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), psychodynamic/relational psychotherapy, and existential psychology. This unique combination allows me to provide practical interventions that can help ease suffering right away. At the same time, we can take a deeper look at who and how you are in your life — your hopes and fears, longings and protections — all in an attempt to harness more profound and lasting change.
For couples therapy I integrate my level two training in the Gottman Method, my advanced training in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT), and my ongoing study in an attachment and developmentally based couples therapy model called the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. This wide range of training allows me to teach couples what they need to know about how relationships work. Specifically, I teach skills to strengthen communication, deepen connection, and transform conflict. Skills aren’t much without practice, though. I also coach couples, in the moment, about what’s happening between them and their partner, directing them to practice new ways of interacting, using powerful emotions to increase attachment and affect positive and enduing change over time
In the end, therapy becomes a place to develop greater psychological flexibility, emotional awareness, clarity about what truly matters to you, and courage to take committed action to change.
Who I Work With
I provide couples therapy for folks who want relationships that work, last, and inspire. Do you feel:
stuck in the same repetitive conflicts
bored and emotionally distant from each other
lacking in fun, overlap, conversation, and ability to dream
disconnected after a strong start followed by years of growing apart
afraid of how to take to your partner, unsure how to communicate without escalation
uninspired with the level of physical intimacy and closeness in your life
I provide individual therapy for adults longing to grow into a life they can actually love. Do you experience:
anxiety, chronic worry, panic attacks
confusion about life and job transitions
trouble clarifying what you value or defining the person you most want to be
burnout and work stress especially in this fast changing world of technology and AI promise/anxiety/uncertainty
loneliness, emptiness
impact from past traumas or family of origin dysfunction
questions about meaning, purpose, direction
lack of joy and fulfillment
How We Start
I'll help you quickly feel safe and at ease.
Beginning therapy doesn't have to be intimidating or mysterious. From our first session together you can expect an environment of warmth, acceptance, and understanding. If you have any questions about therapy or about me, just ask! I'll try to answer them as simply and honestly as I can.
We'll pin point just what it is you want help with.
Believe it or not, many people come in knowing something's wrong but don't know exactly how to put it into words. I'll help you transform feelings to words and then to a plan of action. This might include what's going on now, what you've been through in the past, and what you hope for in the future.
I'll explain how I can help.
I'll give you an idea of how I see the problem -- obstacles that are in your way, the strengths you don't even realize you have, and how you can get moving back in the right direction. We can talk about goals for therapy and how we might reach them together. We'll go over how often and how long we might work together, insurance or payment questions, and any other details around the business of therapy.
Doubts or confusion about the therapy process are common.
Along the way it's common to have questions about where we are headed or feelings about me or the therapy in general. Your instinct may be to keep this to yourself. I can help you better if we address your feelings as they come up. Tracking, carefully understanding, and responding to your feelings (no matter what they are) is an essential part of the work. While difficult, I encourage you to be as transparent about your experience as possible.
Therapy doesn't have to be forever.
You are in charge of when you start and stop your therapy. Some find a few sessions helpful, others a few months, some stay a few years. Often times, people come for a while, take a break, and then return as needed. We can decide this together based on your need and desire.
The ‘promise’ of psychotherapy
I can’t promise that working with me will be without risk, pain, or vulnerability.
In fact, it's been my experience that taking risks, acknowledging and allowing pain, and being vulnerable are some of the most important things we can do to get to the 'heart of the matter' and to make the real changes we're looking for.
What I can promise is that living more fully happens when we allow the deepest parts of who we are to have a voice.
This is what gives life joy and meaning.
Are We Potentially a Good Fit?
You might be a good fit for my practice if you:
feel anxious, overwhelmed, and keep ruminating about the same things over and over again
have recurring cycles of conflict in your relationship
go back and forth between avoidance and escalation in relationship struggles
are a driven professional with aims to grow alongside fears of imposter syndrome
are curious about how your brain works, how your emotions work, and how you work
are self-reflective and want to learn and grow
want both practical solutions to problems as well as a deeper understanding of them
hope to integrate your excitement and fear about the speed of technology, it’s impact on you, your work, your relationships, and the world around you
Are you ready to begin?
Live a more balanced life in a demanding, screen focused, technologically accelerated world. I can help you:
Ease suffering from anxiety
Learn what holds you back from having a more meaningful, successful, and purpose driven life
Strengthen your marriage or relationship
