Steal Your Life Back From Anxiety
The worst thing about anxiety is that it tricks you into believing this shrinking life you’ve carved out for yourself is all there is. That’s a lie. Nothing could be further from the truth. Anxiety has stolen joy from your life. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help you steal it back.
What if anxiety was more than a problem to be solved? What if it was a signal you’re not living the life you’re meant to? What if relating to anxiety differently could point you in the direction of your biggest dreams?
Teaching you to be in the present moment, putting what you value most in the foreground while allowing anxiety to recede to the background, ACT re-introduces you to a life you can love, not just endure.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a relatively new off shoot of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It combines aspects of CBT with new, evidence based interventions that can help develop the psychological flexibility skills required to address anxiety and re-engage with life.
ACT has two premises. First, accepting uncomfortable thoughts and feelings works better than trying to fight and control them. Second, by identifying and connecting to what gives life meaning and purpose, our emotional struggles become smaller while our capacity for living gets bigger.
ACT offers a direction away from anxiety’s limitations toward the possibilities of a value rich life — a path where you can acknowledge pain while still committing to what matters most.
The roadmap is in the name — Accept, Choose, Take Action.
Accept
Accepting uncomfortable thoughts and feelings is the cornerstone of the ACT philosophy.
Counter to advice that’s often given, ACT teaches you to turn toward emotional discomfort rather than away from it.
The ACT assumption is that thoughts and feelings are mostly beyond our ability to control. Our suffering related to anxiety comes more from the desire to change or get rid of what we experience than it does from the actual experience itself. Instead of managing our feelings, all we manage to do is feel worse.
For example, the more you focus on not having worried thoughts, the more you become obsessed with worry. The more desperately attached you are to the need to feel confident, the more disappointed you become when confidence fails you.
When we fight against what we experience rather than accept it, we become engaged in a battle of tug o’ war that can’t be won. We become exhausted, discouraged, and more anxious. The only victory lies in dropping the rope.
When we let go of the fight, then soften, and embrace what we feel; our anxiety diminishes. Acceptance of our experience enables us to take a step closer, see it for what it is, understand its nuances, offer it compassion.
Choose
Choosing a committed life direction gives ACT its heart.
What do I want my life to be about? What do I value? What gives life purpose? These profound questions have the power to clarify our vision, shape our actions, and connect us to our dreams.
Too often, we get caught up in chasing feelings. “I’ll be happy when I feel less anxious, more secure, more control.” Turns out feelings are hard to catch. They’re faster than we are.
Instead of chasing feelings, ACT encourages chasing meaning instead. Feelings come and go but what you value is an anchor that endures over time.
Anxiety makes us lose sight of what’s important. Attempting to manage discomfort, we pull away from the life we used to love. Painful loops begin. The more anxious we are, the more we contract and avoid in an effort to feel better. The more we avoid, the less meaningfully engaged we are. Less engagement leads to more isolation and anxiety, leading to more avoidance, and more misery.
Disrupting this loop begins with a commitment to choose to live boldly again. Having a clear and valued life direction can give us the courage we need to risk moving forward — alongside anxiety and fear.
Take Action
Taking action gives ACT its power.
We can’t think and feel our way to a richer life. If you want to overcome anxiety and move in the direction of what you long for, you’ll have to use your hands and feet — you’ll need to get off the couch, you’ll need to act.
Acceptance of the thoughts and feelings we can’t change is only part of the ACT story. There’s so much that we can change and do have control of — our actions.
ACT offers a perspective where life is defined more by what we value and how we act than it is by what we think and feel.
The actions we take are determined by what we’ve decided is important to us. We become the central actors in our own life. This sense of agency lessens the impact of anxiety. It’s hard to be swept away by worry when you’re engaged with your life’s work.
When we get in the driver’s seat, acting and living in line with who we want to be, anxiety moves to the backseat. Even if it’s still there, it has less power. It’s not driving anymore. By taking committed action, related to what we value, we are.